I Miss

... the friends that I have made from this blog.

I don't know what else to say.

Trying my best to keep in touch with a few that I have already "met" in person or online. But even that has been near impossible.

I wish I could gather all of us together, and we could hug, talk, pray, and affirm one another.

It's a wish. A distant one.

In the meantime, I'm just head-over-heels busy. In a good kind of way.

Like I said. I don't know what else to say except that I love you guys, and I am sorry that I don't have much time. Pray for me that things will settle down, and I can connect with you again. In the meantime, please forgive my absence.

Time For A Group? [And Short Summary Reflection]

I have come to know a few people since I opened up this blog--especially during my "raw/authentic" writing period. They have either been introduced to me by others, or found me themselves and left a comment. As we have interacted openly and honestly, we have also become good friends. One such example is Rob, who started to do video-logs not very long after we made contact through my blog. (I mention Rob because he has chosen to be public and visible, and he does not mind me mentioning him.)

In the past 3 weeks, a handful of new guys have approached me via email. They span across the ages from teenager to fifties. One thing in common about these men: they are all moved by my experience of healing and change. Several mention that they are desirous of the relationship I have with Brother A.

I have not made another official Summary Reflection to date, so let me add a short summary of how I have been doing, and the proceed back with my topic.

My eSSA (eroticized SSA, as one new brother put it, or SSsA as I had put it, but I like eSSA better) is pretty much non-existent. I am still attracted to good-looking guys, but there is no longer a need to sexualize it. It is not even a struggle to not sexualize it -- it just will not happen. I think I can still force myself to fantasize if I wanted to (you don't forget how to ride a bike once you've learned), but I have no desire to. Rather, I am in touch with the feeling of "inadequacy" that hits me from time to time. So, in place of the feeling of a need to be sexual with another man, the feeling presents itself as "I am feeling inadequate." I sit with that feeling and just feel miserable for a while, and do other helpful things such as talk to a friend, or journal, or exercise. I have had no interest in porn. As for masturbation, that too has not happened for a while (I have not counted days), but the purity aspect of that is more specifically enabled through spiritual discipline. Believe it or not, having sex with one's wife does not necessarily curtail masturbation.

On the heterosexual side, it has been hard to avoid looking at beautiful-looking women. Wife and I watched Dreamgirls last night, and I had zero identification with any of the women like I had in the past. Rather, I identified with the "brothers" (as they called each other), especially in their desire for the women. The women--especially Beyonce--were very beautiful, and I could have sexualized the thoughts I had for them. But I avoided that. Besides, my wife is also beautiful and she is real. Fantasies cannot meet reality needs.

Brother A and I have further refined and developed our relationship. We relate to each other as mutual friends and brothers rather than our previous mentor-mentee relationship. We also irritate the heck out of each other from time to time, but there is no question that I love him deeply and dearly, and I would do anything for him. Truly, it feels like a David-and-Jonathan relationship!

And now, I come back to the topic with which I started this post: the new guys. You know who you are: JG, EH, CL, and most recently, DA. There is also JoeMn who had contacted me in a different way. I am pleasantly surprised that you have found me through my blog, and I want to get to know each one of you deeply and intimately. But I am finding myself stretched for time as one of you has already complained. So, I am starting to think that I need to do something so that we can more effectively help each other. My present strategy of getting to know you one-on-one in an intimate way will peter out real soon if more people come my way. But I want more men to come and receive help because there is HOPE for change! I just can't help everyone by myself, and it's foolishness for me to even to attempt to do so.

So, for any of you younger folks (i.e. not-married or below 30) reading this post, there is an Accountability Brothers' group on Facebook -- it is an invisible group that you can join, and does not show up on your Facebook profile. If you're interested in that group, ask me, and I will point you in the right direction. I need to warn you that not everyone in that group thinks the same way I do -- not everyone there wants to experience change to heterosexuality like I have, although most would likely agree that purity and/or holiness is a worthy pursuit.

As for the married Christian men (or singles over 30?), I am starting to wonder if it might be time to start a group of some sort? People who have felt a connection to this "hope for change" that I have written about in this blog coming together online--perhaps even with Brother A (!)--either in email or FB or some other form, for mutual encouragement, prayer, exchange? A group that is made up of people who are further along in their journey of change? A group where we can also talk about how to help others who are just beginning to work through their struggles? I don't know. I thought I'd throw this idea out into cyberspace and see what the Lord does with it.

Please Watch Your Health

Somebody emailed me today saying that they ("they" is my gender-neutral pronoun, by the way) read my entire blog in one night.

Hello!

Please don't do that. It can't possibly be good for anyone's health to read my blog, my entire blog, in one night.

The Fastest Post I've Ever Made

Glad to have made yet another new friend from my blog. (You know who you are, we just chatted over the phone this afternoon.)

What is blessing this blog is turning out to be even though I hardly blog in it anymore.

Busy... busy... busy...

Still busy.

More on APA and Reparative Therapy

Rich Wyler has posted his take on the APA Report on the People Can Change blog. I especially like the points he makes under "What the APA Report Doesn't Say." (link)

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Other matters. Have a tight deadline coming up. Will not be posting or responding to comments for at least two weeks.

Plug for Newsy.com

Boy, is this blog starting to change or what?

First, I get all serious. Now, I'm advertising for businesses. o.O

A staff member from Newsy.com contacted me and told me about their news coverage on the APA's declaration of reparative therapy (which I blogged about here). Their coverage compares five--yes, FIVE--contrasting news sources . She asked me to consider embedding the video.

Well, I considered, and here it is.



So why did I make this plug for Newsy.com?

Because at the end of the coverage, they asked open questions. OPEN QUESTIONS!!! How could I resist? :-D

And don't you just love their tagline? "Newsy.com. Where multiple perspectives are the real story." Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

"Psst! Rosa, how much do I get for this plug?"

American Psychological Association's Declaration on Reparative Therapy

I wanted to share my reply to Carleton1958's recent blog post entitled: My faith vs. the APA's declaration on reparative therapy

Here is the article from the Associated Press: Psychologists repudiate gay-to-straight therapy.

And my response to Carleton1958 (in quotes):

"Like you, I too exist, and I can say that my same-sex sexual attractions have diminished so significantly and my opposite-sex attractions increased that I would say that my orientation itself has changed. And this, due to what can be called "reparative intervention" although not formalized.

Nicolosi said that he and Jones and Yarhouse tried to get a representative into that small task-force in APA, but were not allowed (link). As a response, they created this document and insisted that the APA respond to it: www.narth.com/docs/journalsummary.html

There is so much variation in sexuality and the article (and APA itself) failed to point out that the polarization of gay vs. straight is mostly political. Many fall under variations that if help for their unwanted same-sex desires were sought, could decide on nuanced paths that were more consistent with their faith beliefs. Clearly, the APA is still politically (morally?) biased, not scientific, if they dare to be really honest about it."

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Warren Throckmorton has also issued a response (link). I have not had time to read it in detail, but from what I have read (and all of my knowledge on SSA so far), questions begin to come to mind:

• What is sexual orientation, and how does it differ from sexual identity?
• Is there a monolithic approach to reparative therapy?
• Is reparative therapy about re-orientation or identity development?
• Who defines what is straight and what is gay? By what criteria? According to behavior? To identity?
• What happened to me? Was it intervention on my reparative needs? Was it identity shifting? Was it the deep meeting of my male-attachment needs? Was it "all of the above" but reductionistic thinking wants to isolate it to one main thing?
  

The APA. Just a bunch of people trying their best to help people, but at a level that doesn't address my experience. Research is always limited, and hardly iron-clad. Social research, especially, is always morphing and emerging. So much depends on how things are defined, operationalized, measured, number-crunched, reported, and so on and so forth. What is statistically relevant in a population study means very little when it comes to a single individual's experience.

My advice to all of my friends who read my blog: submit yourselves to God and then let your experience--not institutional declarations--show you the next steps to take. Neither the APA, nor NARTH, nor Throckmorton, nor I ( O . O ), have all the answers. Instead, let's gather together and share what God is doing in our lives so that we can learn from each others' experiences.

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Edit: This just in. The Wall Street Journal also published an article on the topic (link). Haven't read it yet, but the byline reads: "Psychological Association Revises Treatment Guidelines to Allow Counselors to Help Clients Reject Their Same-Sex Attractions."

Really?

I need to find an actual statement from the APA and decide for myself what they said. Secondary sources. Meh.

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Final Edit: Here we go. The actual release summary by APA (link), and the actual report, all 138 pages of it (link)!