After many years of feeling pressured by the wife to be spiritual around her, I finally gave in.There is only one person in this world with whom I am as vulnerable as I am when I am with God: Brother A. He gets to see boy-soul fully. He's been the only person with whom boy-soul has felt safe enough to emerge.
When I am with God, I am totally open. I hide nothing from Him. I am completely naked. He could strike me down and I have no defense. He could reach towards me and my heart is fully His. God allowed me to have this relationship with Brother A.
And now, God wants me to have this relationship with my wife. Even if she will use my vulnerability against me (e.g. call on me when I am being prideful out of her own fleshly insecurities).
And so I made a commitment last night before God and before my wife that I will be spiritual [read: completely vulnerable] with God in her presence.
The Spirit opened my eyes to a sin that I had committed that I had not told anyone. I shared that with her. Then, I allowed myself to admit the deepest fears I have in life (the fear of failure, the fear of poverty, the fear of insignificance), and gave them over to Jesus. This, in front of my wife. Something I have never done before.
Me: So now I am naked and vulnerable. You can walk all over me.
Wife: No, now you are strong and manly, and you have no fear.
Then, we made love. And I was a man, through and through.
