Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Cracks in the Mannequin

Last Monday night, I spent about 3 hours on the internet looking at pornography.  I did not disable my accountability software.  And I knew I would be "caught" when the report came.  But I didn't care.  Then again, maybe I should say I did care because a part of me knew that the shame the report would bring on me would cause me to stop.

That shame came tonight.  My wound is now open for my accountability partner to see. The presentable mannequin that I pass off as me on the outside has cracks all over it.  And they have become gapingly visible.  Yet if one were to look closely, beneath the cracks, past the rotting blood and puss, there is a glimpse of flesh.  There is hope.

According to the recent post on Covenant Eyes' blog, Christian musicians are speaking out to those who are tempted by porn.  Rush of Fools, Casting Crowns, Kirk Franklin, and others are singing openly about their own failures.  And their songs minister to me: I am not alone.

Their message is clear.  We need to stop hiding.  We need to be open, real, vulnerable, as Rick below shares.

Can I be completely vulnerable, or will I let the cracks seal up and I retreat behind the flawless exterior of my mannequin self?

That depends on me for the most part.  But it also depends on you, my accountability brothers.

Do you have what it takes to reach in through the cracks of mannequin exterior, dirty your hands with the blood and puss in order to touch the flesh within?  

Can you handle the me that I hate so much?  Or will it ignite in you the painful hate that you have for yourself?

Will you keep the cracks in my mannequin open with your deliberate care?  Or would you prefer to relate to an intact mannequin--spotless, presentable, and not in the least bit burdensome?


  1. Great post...all of us in the church need to decide if we're willing to dirty our hands with each others lives.
    When I'm living in my flesh...I could almost throw-up when I look at myself. Without Christ I'd be...someone I can't even write down...

  2. Without Christ... *shudder*