I'm very low on energy. I don't sleep much at night, and when I am up during the day, I am tired and sleepy all day.
I have work to do, and I am doing it, but slowly. There is a sense of fear in approaching this work. So many ghosts. Can I do this? Am I man enough?
Had I not installed the accountability software, I would have gone to porn to get my dopamine fix. Feel-good chemicals for the deprived brain. But I can't now. My friend would find out.
I am feeling needy. Very needy. And I hate feeling this way.
I am writing this post, hoping that someone will read it. But will anyone? I fear that in my need to "let loose and test my change," in my abandon to porn, I might have driven you away. In my raw honesty, I have disgusted your holy sensibilities.
I don't blame you. I know that I tend to judge others when things are going well for me. So, let me not judge you for your silence. Let me not depend on you for my salvation.
I can depend only on Jesus, who loves me through and through, from the inside out.