Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Intimacy and "Sexual/Sensual Arousal"

Brother and I were talking about feelings of intimacy that is accompanied with feelings of arousal in the genitals.

Brother gets what I would call "sexual arousal" when he is intimate with another person (regardless of gender). But he calls it "sensuality," this tingling in the loins. It may even be accompanied with a mild erection and the release of seminal fluid. But to Brother, it is not sexual. There is absolutely zero percent interest in following through his sensual feelings into sexual acts when it comes to men. He is straight. Yet, he gets aroused genitally (whether one calls it sexual or sensual) when he is close and intimate with another man.

I get those feelings with Brother. When I am about to meet him, when he tells me he loves me with those soft yet emotionally strong eyes, and when I think about how much I love him. The heart gets achy and warm, and the tingling in the loins follow, and when I checked the last time, I noticed that I had a spot in my underwear.

Yet what Brother is giving me is permission to feel my bodily responses and not regard them as sexual. In a way, I am being re-trained to focus on the emotional connection without having it be sexual. And I think that may be a big factor in the healing I am experiencing.


  1. I think you're correct. Part of our healing is "retraining" our brain how to deal with needs and desires.

  2. It's helpful that we are improving in knowledge on brain and clinical science.

  3. I think I felt what he is talking about once.