I fell last night. Internet pornography.
I will write more later. I have been thinking what's gone wrong this week, after 3 weeks of "success."
Accountability is good, but it's hard to feel so exposed and vulnerable. I am ashamed of myself, but I'm trying not to dwell on it. I'm not being proud or avoiding. It's just too painful to expose my same-sex sins to other men, straight men. You must think of me as less-than, reject, worthless. I know better in my head; but in my heart, I pretty much hate myself.
The worst part: the people I am helping are doing better than I am.
Only in writing can I be so vulnerable. I have nothing to hold on to except for the blood of Jesus shed on the cross for me.