Reaching Out

At around 5pm, I decided that it was already too late to study. I had an early morning meeting, then spent lunch with a needy person. After that, attended a student's concert.

It has all been about "helping others" today. After that, I thought to myself I should just take the day off and relax to be with the family and kids.

I did that.

Lo and behold, I am now struggling. My body is aching for sexual release. And I don't know why. I have been sober/pure for almost 3 weeks now. So why all of a sudden this need?

I can only think of one reason: CHANGE.

For the first time this week, I told myself not to work for a change. And perhaps, some resoluteness within me relaxed, and with it, my sobriety.

So, the best thing to do is to reach out. I'm reaching out now.

If you read this, please pray for me. It's Saturday night, January 10th, 2009.

[Note: this trigger reminds me. I was supposed to think about "purity" this week. I didn't so much think about it as "did" it. I avoided sexual thoughts or sexual pictures completely, seeking instead to embrace holiness.]