I am feeling tired.
I am feeling worn out emotionally from processing about my real-life elder brother (see previous post).
I am feeling stressed that I am not getting enough done on my work deadlines.
I am thinking that I should go onto the internet to look at porn. Maybe straight porn--women--and masturbate to these images. Maybe gay porn--have a look, "test" out my healing.
Here's what I wanted to do:
- Connect with guys from the Facebook group
- Call Brother A to talk to him
- Listened to a friend's wife sing a beautiful worship song several times over [link]
- Hung around Facebook -- no one was around to chat
- Emailed Brother A to say I'd like to talk to him -- he did not respond
- Read the People Can Change (PCC) website [link]
- Registered to join the PCC online support group [link]
- Read and commented on the PCC blog [link]
- Write this blog post
I am desperately trying not to isolate myself when I am feeling this way. I hope the PCC support group will be helpful. I hope Brother A will have some open time to talk with me.
Right now, I'm tired enough that I can go to sleep. And thankfully, able to say: Today, Friday April 24 is Day 19, no porn, no masturbation.